Some days, you look in the mirror and you really feel that girl looking back at you… J Lo, who?! The very next day, you look in that same mirror and it’s like blah. You think, “girl you look like sh!t.”
Maybe that’s a bit harsh, but honestly, I’ve had that exact experience and those exact thoughts. I know I can’t be alone on this one.
MY DAY WHEN I FELT & LOOKED LIKE CRAP…
Okay, why do I keep spelling shit like sh!t haha. As if that’s more appropriate. For the sake of keeping it real, let’s just use the word crap. Well, just the other day… a Monday to be exact… I felt like complete CRAP.
Background story….. if you watched my insta stories, you don’t need to read this.
I’ve had a stalker/bully that’s been messaging me on Intagram, telling me I’m a complete slut for presenting my body like that on Instagram, and a prostitute if I back it up with, I’m in the fitness industry, “it’s my job”. I brush it off, what ever. Then blaming me that my ex cheated on me because I put such low standards on myself, and I’m embarrassing my family. Just btw my mom, grandma and aunt are always my first 3 likes. My family represents! That stung a bit more, then on Sunday night I get home after the funnest day of watching Matthew Mole perform at a wine farm, I get home to notification of tags, of insta stories he has posted of me. Circling body parts of me he dislikes. The rolls on my stomach, the cellulite on my thighs, and how flat my butt is in this one photo in 2016 that use to be my cover photo for my website for ages. “I can’t preach fitness.” he says.
“I choose not to Photoshop my pictures, even less my professional pictures because I portray a realistic image and not a perfect photo shopped barbie. Am I body positive and confident? YES. Did this put me in a negative mind space about my body? DEFINITELY!”
So the next day rolls around, Monday morning. I have a shoot booked for that evening, and even I will have a little bloat by the time its evening after a whole day of eating so I really tried to watch what I’m eating that day.
It’s late morning and I arrive at the gym, my happy place, where I go 5-6 times a week because I love it. But today, I feel like crap. I sat in the car for about 30 min really trying to get myself out of a dark place, but to walk into the gym with a positive mind.
I took off 4 days from the gym before that due to a light stomach bug, so today I am here to train my butt off (not literally, we all want to grow the glutes) so I can look better tonight…. ya right, you are not going to change your body in a few hours. But I was so stuck in this mind set that I am fat, and I’m going to look terrible and bloated in these photos. I better not eat the whole day, not drink any water and go do 2 hours of interval cardio now so I can look lean……
Needless to say, this is a very dangerous and negative mentality to have. and NOT like me at all. So I spent the next 30 min in the car trying to convince myself that I am at the gym, because I feel like I need it because I am stiff after not moving my body for 4 days. I am going to do interval runs because I love to feel strong, and fit and fast. I am going to do strength training because I want to increase my strength and because I love it.
And I tried and tried to get the negative thoughts out of my head before I walked into those doors.
So when I got to the gym, I get on the treadmill, I put my favorite song on to get me pumped up. All my mind was telling me was, your thighs are going to wobble when you run, people will stare at you, “you can’t preach fitness”…… I decide to put a podcast on to keep my mind busy. And as I am searching for a podcast to listen too, I hear the gym’s intercom announcing a Grid class will take place right now, and I pull the emergency beak on that treadmill and I walk straight over the the grid floor where the class will take place. This would be my first time taking part in this class.
And it was the best decision I’ve ever made!
The grid class at my gym has no mirrors near it, I couldn’t see myself in the mirror once, it was another trainer pushing me and I had to follow his exercises, and they were not picked out surrounding the body parts I disliked about myself, they were just random full body exercises.
“they were not picked out surrounding the body parts I disliked about myself”
I’m not usually a class going type of person, but this day it really probably saved my day. Soon enough the endorphins came, I was on a workout high after that and my mood completely changed. I was ready for that photo shoot, maybe not physically but mentally I was ready to enjoy it and have some fun.
Now this blog post is not so much about body shaming, I addressed that in my insta stories already, but more about mental health.
If you know me, you know I am very comfortable in my skin, maybe even too much, I love my body BUT I too sometimes feel like CRAP! I’ve had bad skin since coming back to SA, and I haven’t quite figured out why, this stomach bug gave me a weird bloat and now I’ve got someone circling out my imperfections and posting it on his public profile.
What I want to get through with this though is,
- don’t go to the gym with a negative mentality,
- don’t workout because you hate your body,
- don’t try to change your body in a day.
THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH!!
Heck, I’m the first one to preach about self love and loving your body no matter what it looks like but that doesn’t make it easy.
Bottom line though… you don’t have to feel confident all day every day. That’s an unrealistic expectation.
BUT WHEN YOU FEEL YOU LOOK LIKE CRAP…
Simple – own it!
When you don’t feel good, embrace it.
My solution sounds silly but so often when we feel an emotion we don’t want to feel, we fight it off. You know what I mean?
We are women. We are the queens of “oh yeah, I’m okay” when in reality we are so far from okay.
To be perfectly honest, I’m not used to looking at a photo or video of myself and not liking what I see. Again, it’s not because I look amazing; it’s because I don’t look for flaws. On Monday, however, that wasn’t the case. All I could see were flaws.
“it’s because I don’t look for flaws“
FAKE IT UNTIL YOU FEEL IT…
Here’s something a little proactive that we all need to do too… fake it until you feel it.
I don’t mean that in an inauthentic way. I’m not saying you should put up a Facebook status of “Loving Life #Blessed” when you feel like crap.
What I’m saying is that if you’re not feeling confident, fake it a little bit until you truly feel that way.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself your beautiful.
Google some positive affirmations and read them.
Open your Notes and write down 3 things you love about yourself.
That will force you into feeling a little bit more confident. If you can fake it just a little bit, it will develop naturally.
Thank you for reading my lengthy rant/vulnerable post and allowing me to be raw and honest with you guys. I honestly have never received so much love on social media like I did after sharing this on insta stories. I am so grateful for this platform. xx